- April 19th, 2010
Right now, I’m in a christian church. After my mom died in 2008, I started listening to Christian radio again, mostly John MacArthur. The sermons were what I needed. God knew what I needed to hear and used him along with Les Feldick (Bible Study) to help me to grow in Christ, again. My parents died in 2008, several months apart, along with losing my job, plus my uncle died in between their deaths, and then I lost my house, car, and basically my life as I knew it. I began getting my life right with Christ. He finally got my attention. I had actually thought about suicide, at one point, and felt I had no choice. I thought about this after my dad died. His death was the first horrible event in 2008. on January 30th. Nothing else had yet unfolded. Two months after he passed away, I felt I could not go on. The grief was truly unbearable and my mother, who had a lot of guilt over his death, put the blame on me and expected me to not have any grief. I was in the bathroom, one day after visiting my mom. I don’t think a person could feel any worse than I did that day. I thought, for a moment, that there was only one way to not feel this way anymore. I reasoned with God by saying, “I don’t see a reason to go on and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Death would be better than living.” Then His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, who dwells in me said, “No, you’re not.” I knew, at that moment, He wasn't finished with me yet. It was a day to day thing but He helped me through the rest of the tragedies of that year and has helped me recover from that sorrow I had experienced.
I had quit going to church 6 years earlier. I didn’t quit to indulge in a sinful life, but my husband and I felt pushed out of church by a group that was dividing the church. We left because of church issues. We felt discouraged and did not look for another church. That was a big mistake. I took my eyes off of Christ and looked at the “storm” around me (if you know the story of Peter walking on the water) I didn’t seek His help or direction from the church situation and began having fear of going to another church. I didn’t want to experience that situation again. So I just let my life float. Of course, it didn't float towards church. I was going on, but without Christ less and less each day. That is a very big mistake for any Christian. I believe it contributed to the life changing events of 2008.
I was saved when I was 11 years old. I was in a Baptist Church. We were watching a movie on the Rapture, believe it or not.lol. Up until this moment,I believed in Christ. I knew He died on the cross. I knew He was coming back again. I was kicked out of my friends’ yard when I was six years old for telling them these things. One of my friends started crying as I was telling her about Jesus dying on the cross and He will be back soon. The other friend went in to his house and told his mom. She came out and said “How dare you tell my kids this stuff.” Then she kicked me out of their yard. I was confused, because I thought everybody believed this.lol. I didn’t realize there were unbelievers.
Anyway, when I was watching this movie at church, I realized I was going to be left behind. Through the Holy Spirit’s conviction, I realized there was no reason for me to think I was going to Heaven. I wasn’t going to get there on my own merits. I needed salvation. I knew then Jesus died FOR OUR SINS. I understood why He died, finally. His conviction was so strong, that by the time the movie was over, I was sobbing. The pastor was asking (he was looking at me) those to come forward, if they felt like prayer, etc. I was a wreck and couldn’t move. A little old lady at the end of the pew finally came over , walked me up the aisle, and the preacher met her half way. I got saved that night and baptized a week later.
You don’t automatically know everything right then. When I turned 23, I realized Jesus is God incarnate. He began to deal with me then about WHO Jesus is. He has been that way continually throughout my life. When I was 30 years old, I learned that He is Love and He is the completeness that Man is ever searching for. I needed that truth for the next challenge in my life. There were many things I did not understand about living the Christian life and several years later began to pray for ‘knowing what God’s will is for me.’ We experienced several traumatic church events which left us without a church home and began to drift on our own. Now, through these events, God has shown me what His will is and has given me much understanding of His will, His Word, and what it means to be Born Again. No doubt, I am still learning and will continue to learn until He returns.
He has done great things in my life. He has always been there at every stage of my life. He has revealed His Truth to me. I know I have been chosen by God. I know I am a Born Again Christian. I’m old enough to finally look back on my life and see how He has shaped my life.